sharonluong life is always better with color & IN color ♥

Age: 19
Status: Single __112210.
Location: New York City
Job: iSell Korean Circle Lenses; otherwise unemployed
*See the WHITE DIAMOND to the left of the banner*

I {love}:
chocolate. pink. yellow. purple. basically colorful things. will add on.

Looking for the page with my huge name?
Hit the refresh option next to linkage :)

I {hate}: bitches. hypocrites. cheaters. jerks. scammers. liars. a lot of things. will add on.

Looking for the page with my huge name?
Hit the refresh option next to linkage :)

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iSell Authentic Korean Circle Lenses! Check me out on FACEBOOK :: CLiCK
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iColor MyEyes; do you? ♥

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And I still have nothing to say, yet I feel like I should have something to say.

But you see, the thing is, I have nothing to say anymore, because I'm truly sick of the shit you put me through. You say one thing, then you go and contradict yourself by doing the shit you said you didn't want to do. You would forgive her for what she's done to me, but I would never forgive her for what she's done to you. This statement applies to a lot of people in my life, and it really shouldn't. Countless times, I've felt stabbed in the back by the same people, over and over again, in the past month. Maybe we're just really not cut out to be friends. I said that like two weeks ago, but I guess I was willing to try again, but to no avail. Things are still the same as it was and I don't sense a change. What, am I supposed to be the one to force you to see that changes need to be made? Uhm, no. I've done that too many times already, even though not for this situation, and it's time that you finally learn to accept reality and face it, instead of trying to live in your fake attention-monging world.

It's okay though. I think I'd be fine without you. It's not like you've ever been there for me anyway, as much as you think you were. If I'm not accepted in your fake ass world, I'm fine with that. But I think I've been long out of it anyway; I've learned to accept reality way before your world was even created, plus I can feel the sense of pushing me away. I'm not pushing myself away. You pushed me away, when you started testing my patience.

Shrinking back into my nothingness is a million times better than trying to be apart of your fakeness, because even when I'm with you, I feel like nothing anyway. Jealousy is one of the seven deadly sins, my dear child. All these times, I feel like we're miles and miles apart, even if we're separated by a wall. That sounded so sappy and as if I were talking to a lover, but NO, I'm not. The way you act affects the way people look at you. And with the way you've been acting, heh, I look at you under a whole different light now. And if you're gonna try to argue that I've been acting differently, no bitch. I just stopped living my life trying to be a decent friend because you never even tried to be; and if I do act differently, take a video of yourself and the way you act during the day. You'd be surprised at how you would look at yourself too. I'm not trying to change you. They say, "If you can't change a person, accept him/her."
But I don't want to accept you.
Anymore.

Not everything is always about you.
It's okay though, I know you're not a horrible person just because you do horrible things.


Go on, assume this is about so and so, or that this is about you.
I'll just sit and laugh at you.
Disclaimer: I was actually thinking about this on my way home today. Those of you who are actually reading this probably think, "Oh, this is nothing much; Sharon's probably just having another one of her EMO episodes or BITCH posts." NO. THIS IS NOT "ANOTHER" one of my "emo episodes" or "bitch posts." It's just things that I've seen a lot of CHANGING ohso recently. If you can't handle my thoughts, then I just suggest you get the fuck out now. Don't even bother commenting if you're not even going to read the entire thing.
& P.S. "You" is used as a general term, not towards any ONE person.

I used to feel as if the "members" of our "group" fitted together perfectly, just like the pieces of a puzzle. I don't think I feel that way anymore. Yea, I'm talking about US. I used to feel as if "my" piece of the puzzle connected with everyone else's. Now, it's as if my piece got bigger, or the spaces where the piece should fit got smaller. It's as if I don't "fit" anymore. Not only that, but our group has gotten bigger; things just aren't the same. It's as if BECAUSE our group got bigger, people just divided themselves into SMALLER groups, and got closer to people in those smaller groups. Jeff says maybe I'm growing. So what if maybe I'm growing? True friends should be able to grow separately without having to grow apart, right? .. So I don't think it's so much a fact that I'm "growing." I can feel all of us growing apart, the original us. Or maybe we just weren't cut out to be "true" friends.

I feel like everyone's gotten so much more selfish - in various ways, not just the one way everyone probably thinks I'm talking about. It's like it's everyone for themselves. They don't give a shit about anything but themselves. Everytime someone brings up plans, it's as if I have to be the one to finalize it (i.e. call up people, dates and times, etc), just to have the people either, not give a shit, or show up late as hell.
And it's not even this. You know how there are just certain people you open up to about stuff? Yea well, I feel like I don't even have those people to open up to anymore. The people I used to tell stuff to? Yea, you few people who I actually trusted? I don't even know if I CAN open up to you guys anymore. You don't even listen. Everytime I bring up something about myself, you go and input something about your own self. They're called YOUR problems for a reason. Yea, that's something very selfish of me to say, but seeing that these past few months I've done nothing but give my time to listen and try to help you with YOUR problems, I think this is a good time for ME to be SELFISH for once.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not angry as I'm typing this, and I'm not saying that I never wanted to help out.. BUT, there are times to just shut up and listen to ME. Everytime I IM you online, it takes so long to get a response. Okay, I understand that you may have other IMs and that I'm not the only one who IMs you, but if I'm talking to you about something important (even if it's not important to you), and you just ditch me to do something totally different, that just pisses me off. It's not like I'll go fucking straighten MY hair when you're talking to me about YOUR problems. It's things like this that make me wonder who the fuck really cares and really listens to what I have to say. I'm pretty sure I was ALWAYS there, if not, then 99%, for any of you who came to me and I always responded quickly. Why should it be any different when I IM you? What, are YOUR problems so much more superior and so much more DETRIMENTAL to mine? It's like I'm talking to a fucking wall.

I'm so sick of people - their fricking hypocrisy and their fricking attitude. Yea, I'm a hypocrite, and I have hella attitude, I can admit this. Yet everyone else is still walking around like they're not hypocrites and that nothing they do is wrong. Newsflash, FIRST STEP IS ADMITTING the fucking truth. I can honestly say that everyone around me has changed, in one way or another. Maybe it's just me, and everyone has changed their attitude towards ME, but I don't see reason for that. It's as if everyone fricking compares everyone else who has changed to me -- that's a sign that "this bitch is still the same," right guys? I know the shit you talk about me. I'm just so sick about how everyone just ASSUMES shit. Well duh, if you were never there, wouldn't it make sense for people to look for someone else to be there? Like, JUST STOP.

Maybe this is why I don't want to give a fucking shit anymore. 032808. I'm tired. I'm tired of everything - the bullshit, the drama, most of which shouldn't even BE my business, the people in my life. It's like, stop fucking trying to pretend to care when you're obviously not even looking at the same spot as I am. I'm tired of people pretending in my face, when they actually can't stand me; stop acting like you're a friend so I can find people who won't stab me in the back, okay? Stop everything, especially being SO SELFISH.

Because our friendship is slowly turning into dust, and I'm not going to be the one to solidify it anymore. I'm just gonna sweep it up like it's trash, clean up the mess, and start over. Maybe it'd be easier if I was just like all of you, pretend to give a shit, except I won't give a shit. I'm letting go because there's no space for me to hold on to. I just don't care.. but then if I really didn't care, I wouldn't be here posting something about how I don't care. I guess I just wanted to say I don't care, and why I don't. I mean, I guess I used to, but now I really don't anymore.
I guess it's pretty obvious, who and what I'm talking about. But WHATEVER. I don't give.

I don't even know if I'm done. There's so much shit I've kept in about what I've observed that I don't even know if I missed anything. *I'll be editting this.

♥.

edit -- 03.30.2008
I don't want to act like what I do makes a difference anymore. I used to think it did, because there was a time when what I did really did make a difference. But now? I also used to believe that the things I did mattered. Clearly, nothing I do makes a difference anymore, so just screw it.

edit -- 03.31.2008
I also hate how people like to pretend there's not a problem, when clearly there is one. Sometimes, I'll be trying to talk to someone, and they're just ignoring you while being carefree with the unimportant thing they're "doing." And this "attention" thing? Yea, it's not working out so well. In my psychology class, we were talking about how SOME people either ARE or just PRETEND to be depressed, and they LIKE it, because of the ATTENTION they are receiving. Others, they just want their space. Dude, it's so obvious that you're like totally attention deprived. Just stop it, especially when I know the reality of the situation. Don't do the "Oh I'm running away from home" act with me. Seriously, I really don't give a shit anymore, and the more people do it, the more cliché it gets, and it's like the boy who cried wolf. I've had to deal with this bullshit for so long now that it's so obvious what's going on. You want people to take a look in your direction? Then, DO SOMETHING that's worth looking in your direction for. It's the same shit as I've said - Don't SAY you care, then turn around and show that you really don't; it goes both ways: Don't make it seem as if you NEED someone to care, then turn around and SAY nothing's wrong -- because that just makes people think something IS wrong... but then I guess that works quite fucking well if you're an attention whore and need that attention.
I'm just so fucking sick of it. I just needed to bring these annoyances up, so don't even go and bullshit to other people about how I'm bitching about nothing or how these situations don't apply to you, because "friends", YES, they DO apply to you. Don't even bother trying to act all fucking depressed that I'm finally saying what's been on my mind these past couple of weeks, because that act doesn't work well; don't bother pretending to think about what I've said, because there's no point - all you're going to do is probably put the blame on yourself, and not even know why - everytime you do that, it's just so that you can have people tell you, "Noooo, of course it's not yourrrr fault..." Why don't you fricking TRY thinking about what YOU'VE been doing and WHY you've been acting so fucking ANAL over nothing? Instead of pointing out how everyone else is changing, look in the mirror first and analyze whether you, yourself, has changed.. because I know I haven't. I guess that last statement was probably hypocritical, but no, I don't see myself as changed. I'm still the same bitch everyone has known, so take a good look at yourselves because it's obvious that it's you that is (not everyone else).
Shit, get over yourself; whatever.
Because I refuse to care.

edit -- 03.31.2008
I also hate how everyone is like making things into a fucking competition. IT ISN'T. Even if there was ANY competition, the only person you should prove anything to, IS yourself first. I hate when people do that little number, you know, the one where they try to make people feel bad about what they've done or said? Yea well honey, that shit don't work on me, I don't regret anything I've blogged these past 2 days. It's a step toward facing the reality of the situation. Just UGHHH; I don't think any of this shit is getting through to your fucking HEAD. Shit, and I thought I was close-minded. Maybe you're right Jeff; we do all have to sit down and have a nice little chat... but chatting only works when people LISTEN. And lately, I don't feel as if people are listening.

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