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"You say I'll always be your baby, but your words mean nothing to me."

It was something like that.

I think I might have commented on that already, in a previous post, but I think you're right.

It really does mean nothing.

But at work today, a particular song came on, and at first, I was just singing along, but as I continued, I started paying more attention to the lyrics.

Even without re-reading all of my most recent posts, I know for a fact that I've always been writing that I'm happy.

But am I really?

With tears running down my face, writing this post, I don't know if I'm happy anymore.

I think, I lost/gave up a great thing.

And then I think, there are better things out there.

But even still, I think maybe I regret giving up on that great thing.

Just maybe.

I don't even know what the hell I've been doing these past few months.

I feel like I've crossed over into another world;

as if I'm on vacation from my real world.

It feels like this is a fake world or something.

I don't even know.

There's always that one person that will always have your heart

You never see it coming 'cause you're blinded from the start

Know that you're that one for me,

it's clear for everyone to see, oh baby

You will always be my boo

Do you remember girl, I was the one who gave you your first kiss

'Cause I remember girl, I was the one who said put your lips like this

Even before all the fame, and people screaming your name

Girl I was there, and you were my baby

Yes I remember boy, 'cause after we kissed,

I could only think about your lips,

Yes I remember boy, the moment I knew you were the one I could spent my life with

Even before all the fame, and people screaming your name

Boy I was there, and you were my baby

It started when we were younger, and you were mine, my boo

Now another brother's taken over, but it's still in your eyes, my boo

Even though we used to argue, it's alright, it's alright, that's okay, my boo

I know we haven't seen each other in a while, but you will always be my boo

I was in love with you when we were younger, you were mine, my boo

And when I see you from time to time, I still feel like that's my baby, my boo

And you can see it no matter how I try to hide it, my boo

And even though that's another man who's in my life, you will always be my boo.

So there -

you'll most definitely always be my baby.

And I did love you.

Maybe I still do.

edit//

So I see you've removed your Tumblr link from Facebook accessibility.

But I still remember it, so ha...

I think I need to see you or talk to you in person.
We haven't seen each other since the morning after Christmas,

and we haven't heard each other's voices since the day you called me after returning from Canada.

Just saying.

Yes, you.

I never asked you to walk out of my life - that was your decision to do that.

Yea, whatever you may be thinking; you're right - I didn't stop you from walking out either.

I figured that it was what you wanted, and I gave it to you.

Still, it was your choice to walk out of my life, and if you're starting to regret that now... I don't know what to tell you.

All I'm saying is that if I ever see you on the street, I most definitely won't say hi to you... unless you speak up first. Well, maybe if I see you in a few years, then I'll say hi, but definitely not any time soon.

I'm glad we had a chance to have a decent conversation over GoogleTalk, or whatever it is, the other day - it was a pretty good conversation, unlike the ones we "had" before. Maybe you were right; it's because we spent every living day and night together that we didn't have anything to talk about - but I still think that's bullshit because there were definitely times that I tried to have a conversation with you about my day, and you didn't give two shits, and even still, there are other ways to have a conversation.

Whether you "give up" our supposed friendship, that's on you. 'Cause I think I'm pretty much up for anything. Maybe we won't be the best of friends, but you won't be just anybody to me either. Maybe you'll just float between a very acquainted acquaintance and a friend. Who knows?

I probably can't look at you the same, ever again, and I think that might be true for you too, considering the events that happened between us, and other people.

Remember, you've tried to walk out of my life many times before when you tried to break up with me, but every time, I pulled you back and kept you there. But now, I'm not exactly trying to keep you here, I'm not trying to force you to stay or be here. I'm not trying to control you anymore. And just a few months ago, you already made the choice to walk out of my life, permanently.

Now it's not only your choice whether you want to be a part of it again.

It's mine too.