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sharonluong
life is always better with color & IN color ♥ Age: 19 Status: Single __112210. Location: New York City Job: iSell Korean Circle Lenses; otherwise unemployed *See the WHITE DIAMOND to the left of the banner* |
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Saturday, October 11, 2008,5:43 PM
& i think i really like my boyfriend ..
Nonononono, I don't think, I know I really like my boyfriend. Why I'm writing this blog, I don't really know. It's not to ask for forgiveness, nor to tell the world my life story. I just felt like it. I thought it was time for a little self reflection and a way to express my thoughts and feelings. There was a recent period of time when I questioned my feelings for him, and he questioned my feelings too, but I've come to realize that I really do like him, and that he's the one I want to be with now. Otherwise, I wouldn't have been continuously overthinking about what could have been. Us being broken up was a reality that I couldn't face yet - something I was not ready for. Back then, when I ended a relationship, I was always like, Yea yea, forget it. Whatever, not that important. So over it. This time, it was different - I had a heart full of regret and remorse. I thought I could handle it, that it'd be on me if I regretted. In the end, I did regret, a lot. Obviously, I wouldn't have been able to handle it, would've been pretty fractured, if not broken. Yet at the same time, it would have been all my fault. He might not be "The One," but he might be. I might not marry him, but I might. The chances for the latter happening in both cases are pretty slim; we're both still young, but I'm glad that we're taking a second try at finding out whether the latter will hold true. Maybe in the end we won't work out, but when it happened, it wasn't the right time for it to have been over. We both weren't ready for it to happen. Yea, I still don't have any reasons for the way I feel - and I'm sorry that's not a good response for some of you - but it's just a feeling. I don't think I need a reason to like him, or to like anything or anyone else at all, I simply just do. There are definitely times where he does things or says things that break me apart and makes me not like him to a certain extent, but in the end, I still like him. Hopefully, he doesn't take that to his advantage, of course, but if you really want reasons -- Maybe it's the soft and caring way he looks at me, maybe it's the way he holds my hand, maybe it's the way his arm drapes around my shoulders, maybe it's the way he kisses my cheek so suddenly that catches me by surprise, maybe it's the way he shuts me up with a kiss, maybe it's the way he hugs me and tells me he never wants to let go, maybe it's the way he cares, but never really shows it, maybe it's the way he tells me he doesn't care, but really does, maybe it's the way he wipes away my tears when he sees them, maybe it's the way he never intentionally tries to hurt me but when he does, he never knows because I don't let him know, maybe it's the way I can tell he probably won't hurt me, maybe it's the way he tries to make things work for the both of us, maybe it's the way he indirectly influences the person I was, I am and will be, or maybe.. it's none of these reasons at all and it's just for the fact that he's .. him, or maybe.. I just still don't have reasons. 080308♥i missed you. I always let the little things that you said and did that didn't matter get to me, which is why I was always so insecure. It's about time that I trusted you and the way you feel for me, that you won't do something inappropriate behind my back, or something that could shatter the trust I've decided to put in you. Communication: this is something else I need to do - I kept my thoughts to myself in order to protect the well-being of the relationship, but clearly, it almost broke it too, so I've decided to talk about what I feel and think AT the time of feeling and thinking, so there won't be any more misunderstandings. Finally, though it would practically have no meaning, and would do nothing, I'm sorry for almost ruining something that was perfectly fine. I'm sorry. --- Like Mandy said in her blog, I didn't post this so that people can judge or criticize me, or to comment on it. Just read and whatever you read, if it's so important to you, keep it within you and discuss with others if you wish. But I'm sure you have better things to do with your lives than to talk about mine. Hopefully. Don't ruin my happiness. |
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