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sharonluong
life is always better with color & IN color ♥ Age: 19 Status: Single __112210. Location: New York City Job: iSell Korean Circle Lenses; otherwise unemployed *See the WHITE DIAMOND to the left of the banner* |
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Saturday, March 28, 2009,10:37 PM
Drive My Soul - Lights Seems like somebody put out the moon Now the road is a mine field I can't follow the way she moves I can't see past the shadow You make the darkness disappear I feel found when you stand near I know where I am when you are here My way becomes so clear Pretty ironic - I definitely feel lost at this point in my life. I feel lost in everything. What's going to happen with everyone, with everything? I was saying how I felt like I was going to simply lose everyone and everything I have now. There were only like a few things that I thought I was sure about, but now I'm not so sure anymore - and it feels so crappy to have to doubt things that I was once so definite about, like my friends, my best friends, the boyfriend, staying for college, my major, myself. I'm not being emo - just a little lost. It's funny though, because when it comes to you, I know exactly what I want; it's just too bad that I can't have what it is that I want, whether I tell you or not. To be honest, I already have the near future of our lives planned out - you'll be living your life, and I'll be living mine. Without each other. Even if I don't want it to happen that way, it probably will. It's not the end of my life, but it will be the end of an important & special section of a series of books - if you get what I mean. I do have a lot of doubt - I didn't have this kind of doubt before. Why I have it now, it beats me. It may probably be the whole moving on to college thing, and meeting new people, and developing new relationships with those new people. I don't doubt the way you feel about me though. I don't like feeling like this, but that doesn't mean ignore it - because it just comes back in the end. When I'm with you, my mind's clear 98% of the time; with you, everything's okay, everything's clear. There's nothing to think about. When I'm not with you, my mind's clear only 2% of the time; I'm constantly thinking about things that I should not even be stressing about, whether about us or not. Sometimes, the things I think, I don't even want to tell you because of what could happen afterwards. Either I shouldn't be thinking about it, or I'm twisting it to fit my distorted thoughts. My "road"? It's definitely like a mine field - any way I step, there's a chance of explosion. Like you said, whatever happens, happens. But I don't want things to happen like that - I've got the ability to fix or divert things, and if I tried hard enough, I can. |
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